for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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