Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
