She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
