You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pants are for mortals
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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