you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
