I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
