when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
