People with herpes should wear stickers.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
