I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
