I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
