dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
