I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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