I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
