tell your sister to shave her snatch
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
