all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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