3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
