ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
