Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
