Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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