I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
