My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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