we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
