she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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