I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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