i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
