So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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