Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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