so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
