I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
