just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
