If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
