Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
