god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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