Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
