Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
