Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
