corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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