I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
