Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
