Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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