i just google imaged poop.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
