We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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