I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
