my vag is so smooth its legendary
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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