Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
