How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
