toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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