Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
