i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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