i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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